Mar 17, 2013

Words Are My Parachute



I read once where a woman said, "words are my chocolate" and I loved the way that sounded.  I thought, hey cool, maybe words are my chocolate, too!


But then I laughed. Let's not be ridiculous, chocolate is my chocolate.


But words are everything else.


Because lately I have been very aware of my reaction to Annika's budding sensitive spirit.  Like, extremely sensitive.  She is so easily affected by things and I'm gentle with that but deep down I just want her to suck it up, be strong.  


It's like when she and her Nona have to say goodbye at the end of the weekend and they are long-hugging and choking back tears and it's all so touching but I'm also wanting to tell them to quit crying like a buncha' women and get on with it already.


Part of me wants to feel things deeply and part of me can hardly stand the drama.  Things start getting out of hand and I start feeling like, "check, please."


It's like an emotional armor.  A giant anchor in my spirit that starts to strain and tighten if I go too far, sounding alarms and telling me to get back to center immediately.  Get back in control.


When emotions start to get overwhelming, I honestly feel like I'm losing my mind. 


But somehow words are different. Words are unchained.


Words let me out of the boat to explore my emotions in a different way - a safer way.


With words I can descend into black caves of despair and fear. I can jump off cliffs of controversy - just to see where I land.  I can climb the theological mountains that I know are impossible but I want to see how high I can get anyway.


And for whatever reason, no chain pulls.  No internal alarms sounds and tells me to retreat.  


If anything, I feel a push, push, push to go further.


Deeper. Higher. Don't look back, just keep pressing on.


I always knew that, in order to process things mentally, I needed to get it all on paper and think through it that way.  But I'm realizing it's more that that, too: I have to write so that I can feel things properly.


Emotion alone is not going to take me there. I need the words to escape the bonds that keep my thoughts and feelings on safe ground.


"Safe ground," where there is no surprise, no discovery, no beauty or revelation. 


Words are the parachute that let me jump and fly and fully feel.


And I bet I'm not the only one because words are such a heaven-gift of expression, straight from a God who communicates to us through a living Word.  And that Word pierces into the joints and marrow of our soul and discerns the thoughts and intentions of our heart.  


I wonder what our words might do?


We may all be surprised at what happens when we put pen to paper and just let ourselves "go there."

Think it through, feel it out.


Jump.


Because who knows? Maybe words are your parachute, too.


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miscellany monday at lowercase letters

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