Jun 10, 2013

"In View of the Main Event" by Cindy, After His Heart Series



Meet Cindy.

I came to know her through a small house church in San Antonio, when we'd meet in her home to break bread and study scriptures.  Her husband, who has written some of the songs you've probably sang at church or heard on the radio, would play the guitar and Cindy would sing to Jesus and we'd all join in until that living room was a Sanctuary. She's one of those genuine, magnetic people that will share her struggles, failures, triumphs and testimony in such a real way that you know you wanna get what she's got.  I'm so excited to share this little glimpse of her unique perspective with you for the After His Heart series!


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"In View of the Main Event" by Cindy

I bet God was smiling when my mom taught me to braid hair. 

I was probably about 8 years old. I had no idea how important that braiding lesson would become in my adult life; that bonding with my third daughter (adopted from Haiti at age 8) would depend upon this ability. 

But, what if I had known? 

Wouldn’t I have spent more time learning more complex braiding on different textures of hair? Wouldn’t I have lived my life a little more attentive to ethnic hair care? Being the always-in-preparation-mode, first born child that I am, the answer is simple. Yes.

If I had known my freshman year of college that I would one day marry a gracious, loving, selfless and talented man, I would have skipped that ridiculous self-centered boyfriend. I would have ditched him with my head held high because I would have known true love was on its way.

If I had known as a college student that my mom would one day be healed, I may not have left the psych ward overcome with hopelessness after visiting her. I may not have been offended by her words of desperation. I may have spoken hope with absolute certainty into her life. I may have loved her better. I may have been moved by compassion rather than confusion.

If I had known at age 30, as we began our first adoption journey, that I would one day be mom to not one but three girls and would enjoy it, I may not have worried for days on end if I was really cut out for the “job”. I may have held more excitement in my heart, more confidence in my stride, more joy in the journey if I had known I could be a loving, able mom and that my daughters would love me too.

If I had known it would take three years to get Sunny out of Haiti, I would not have had to die to a thousand expectations along the way. I remember, well into the second year of waiting, asking the Lord to reveal to me His plan: When would He break through and make way for her to come home? 

I was in such an intimate place with Jesus that I thought he would certainly lavish this revelation on me and hold nothing back. But He never did. He just kept expecting my dependence on Him, which, at the time, was disappointing….sometimes crushing in my flesh.

There are a multitude of different decisions I would have made if I could have known my future. But I have a sneaky suspicion that I would have lived my life in self-preparation for these events rather than selfless dependence on THE Event-Maker, The Future-Holder.

After adopting three daughters internationally, all at different ages, I have gained some knowledge of the bonding process between adoptive parent and adopted child: It is all about trust. If Sunny does not trust me, she is not depending on me. If she is not depending on me, she is still trying to go at this life on her own. 

Problem is, her life experience and her understanding of things is too childlike for her to survive on her own. She needs me whether she realizes it or not. Even if she were to know what each day ahead would hold for her, she couldn't fully comprehend the bigger picture. So unless she is dependent on me, she can’t survive and she certainly can’t thrive. 

Without learning how to be dependent upon me to lead her, teach her, she will never learn what healthy relationships are like. She will always go her way on her own. She’ll never get to those big events planned for her future – plans for hope and abundant life in favor with God and man, without what God has placed me in her life to offer her as a mother and teacher.

I have a confession: I walked far more intimately with Jesus when I was waiting for Sunny to come home. I was completely dependent upon Jesus to make way for her. I had no control over the situation and in understanding that, along with the pain of the waiting process, I was drawn to Jesus in a way I have not known since Sunny’s arrival. 

Now that she’s here, I need Him even more, but I am much more prone to rely on my own efforts because I buy into the lie that she is here now and I can take care of the rest. But just as Sunny needs me, so I need my Father so that I can be what Sunny needs. 

Only being out of control of my circumstances, not knowing the outcome of each journey has led me to true dependence on my Lord.

In that deep place of dependence during our wait for Sunny, which I remember so well, Jesus met with me and opened my eyes to many things. And while it wasn’t the revelation I thought I wanted – to know how much longer we would have to wait for the day she would come home - it was a revelation about a future event; the MAIN EVENT. 

Throughout Scripture there is ONE event for which we are asked to prepare. It is perfectly intertwined with the person of Jesus and completely requires our dependence on Him. Eternity- prompted by the return of Jesus and completed in His act of bringing heaven down to the new earth. All of Heaven is in preparation for it too!

So while we all wish for minor details to be revealed (to make us certain of how our lives will pan out) Jesus instead says the only event that He desires for us to plan for is our own homecoming – or better said – Heaven’s homecoming to earth! 

Our belief in the reality of Heaven shapes how we live. In other words, we are called to prepare our souls and the souls of others for eternal life with Jesus... knowing our time, this side of eternity, is temporal.

When we visited Sunny over the three year wait, we always brought pictures of her future home/family along with books, clothes, food, etc. 

I never knew if she kept these things or where they ended up until my third trip. Sunny ran up to me with a backpack full of all the photo albums we had given her and that’s all she had kept. Now that she can communicate with us, she has spoken several times of how she would take out those photos when she was sad to help her remember her future destiny. 

The clothes, the food, the books were lesser matters. They paled in comparison to her future hope. Oh, that we would live dependent on Jesus to fill our minds, hearts, souls with pictures of our eternal home with Him above all else.


Prayerfully, I will live all my earthly days bonding with Jesus and living for Jesus so that my life is lived in preparation for, in view of, my forever home with Him completely and forever, His daughter. If I truly believe that eternity is as real, perfect and beautiful as Scripture details, what tomorrow holds – even if it’s suffering - is justified by the reality of Heaven.

It doesn’t matter what I know about tomorrow. In the end, I’m with Jesus forever. And because I know what my eternal future holds, I can face tomorrow.




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1 comment:

  1. This was absolutely beautiful. I was meant to read this and my sister forwarded it on to me. Thank you for writing about your struggle to get your daughter home. I am in constant struggle to get our children home from Africa, and sometimes the pain is all I see. Love this blog.

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