Thoughts on a Bigger Happy
Thoughts of sanctuary have been swirling around in my head.
Thoughts about my home and my happiness and whether or not it's a good thing to crave beauty and need order.
I posted some thoughts on happiness, thoughts on sanctuary, and then just hours later was laughing at my two cousins singing their own personal remix to "Lord prepare me to be a sanctuary" on Facebook.
Maybe it was just a coincidence, but as Annika and I snuggled in my bed singing the Sanctuary song over and over (because she wanted to learn it), I felt so gently reminded that my true sanctuary is not the world I build around me.
My true sanctuary is myself.
The song says, "With thanksgiving, I'll be a living sanctuary for you."
Why didn't I think of that before? (And maybe it wasn't just a coincidence?)
It's not that I am wrong in wanting my surroundings to be lovely. I think it's especially not wrong to rule my environment in a healthy way, to fix it to be as conducive as possible to positive, productive feelings - whatever those little "fixes" or "feelings" may be. But I'm wrong in thinking that my sanctuary, my holy ground, is this physical place around me.
Because when it is, then it is me at the center. It is me on the throne.
My frustration stems from being the center of my own life - from building a sanctuary around myself.
I don't always do it- It's not every hour of every day that I'm selfish and want everything to revolve around me. But, sometimes I do.
And after the gentle reminder of a sweet song, there was the firm conviction of an incredible sermon. A message about how worshiping a Triune God means that we worship not a static, dominating Authority but instead a God who in his very being is dynamically selfless. Always existing in this holy dance of fellowship and submission.
I am enslaved to orbiting myself. Addicted to building little sanctuaries around myself as God, but Jesus has intervened and invited me back into this dance of self-giving love.
Our pastor called it an epic rescue.
I still think happiness in the little things is holy and good. But I'm reminded that the feelings of happiness don't exist just to serve me... to make a beautiful sanctuary for me so that I can perform my religion comfortably.
I am the sanctuary, and when I jump whole-heartedly into this dance of submission to God and selflessness to others, it makes for freedom.
My Spirit is God's home and that's the most beautiful place in my life. That's the bigger happy.
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